Meanderings

July 2012

O sweet mystery…wrap me in your riddle.

Why are some things made to be so serious…it’s just not that serious…let go..laugh…let the rhythm of the moment take you…relax…LIVE.

September 2012

Often there is a certain kind of magic that comes along with youth… with age, a bit of that magic dissapers…and with adulthood a new kind of magic appears…it’s all well and good but I often find myself panning over my yesteryear for just a remembrance of my youth…that wonder…amusement and simplicity so often lost with age…that must be reincarnated/reenacted into the older years if one is to remember what magic really is.. and understand how to fondly live happily ever after.

It is just not that complicated…it’s actually incredibly simple…why do people complicate life so much…it’s easy to have fun it’s easy to accept people as they are it’s easy to love it’s easy to live in the moment…it’s MUCH harder to be rude than nice it’s much harder to be judgemental then open-minded it’s much harder to cause pain then to uplift…yet people do it everyday…way to complicated …life is meant to be enjoyed.

We were taught not to notice the ripple in the water, the rock makes,  but rather just the rock being thrown into the pond.

October 2012

I think I have a Indian, European, Wizard, Angel and Comedian all apart of my Spirit. Occasionally each takes a turn being me. Or something like that. All in one and one for all. The Spirit is such a lovely complex thing.

I was contemplating something rather interesting today. How many people do we really show our real, true, authentic, silly, free-spirited, opinionated selves too? I was thinking today…I guess it has a lot to do with the level of comfort and trust a person may have in another person or friend, as to how much they are willing to let them see about themselves. With several of my friend’s in my life, I’m totally my truest form self…with others I meet…Maybe half and half..and with some, not hardly at all. Not saying I don’t try to be nice to everyone, as long as they are nice to me, I do. But pondering all this I realized…my truest essence…is actually only seen at the deepest level by a select few. And funny enough…they are the ones who love me for me. They are the friend’s I am closest with. I wonder why we sometime’s don’t show the “whole” self to more than a few. Is it because we are afraid of their judgements? Their opinions? Or are they just not comfortable enough people to us for us to want to? Maybe we should not care…and just be fully open all the time…or maybe we should.
December 2012

Have you ever really thought about the value of a moment? I mean, ever just paused in an instance and felt the wind blow past? Listened to the melody of the music more deeply?  Laughed with a fervent intensity when something was funny? Danced long into the night? Taking time to immensely enjoy yourself with an appreciation for that moment of bliss, is what makes life so enjoyable and forever new.

Once in a blue moon, someone comes along that reminds us of our true essence. That magnificent source of love energy that we all are. When they come along, however random and rare they might be, just merely being in their presence brings us to life and we feel whole again. It’s truly a treasure…a “naked” experience of “beingness”.

To touch, taste, feel and experience a moment…that’s real joy, to bask in it’s fonder, it’s uniqueness. To let it envelope you with its splendor. Now that’s really experiencing life. To inhale the Essence of Joy… that gift of Life, that Celestial Awe.

January 2013

Sometimes I need the Country to Calm and Rejuvenate me…grounding my bare feet to the earth…letting the trees hug me and sometimes I need the city to jolt and energize me…awakening my senses, allowing it’s rhythm to run through my veins. To much of one or the other never fulfilled me much.

~Snow and the Night~

In a Wonderland I wander. My emotions Full and Vague. Incased in shadows, snowflakes twirling, crisp wind echoing. Flickering lights speak to me. Smiling with a warm glow. Transcendental. The light pierces the darkness, I feel alieve again. The Night and The snow flows around me like a song, a riddle. Rhyming with the notes of my soul. I am lost and found. Filled with peace and cleansed. I feel the snow crunch beneath my feet. I stare into the heavens and catch snowflakes on my tongue. Is this euphoria?

July 2013

There is sometimes this slight vacancy, like something was missing. It use to be there, it use to shine brilliantly and vivaciously. But then one day, it was gone. Like the wind picked it up and whisked it away. You don’t see it as much anymore, that essence in its totality. And when you do… you cherish it, you yearn for it, and you want to be around its shinning glory. I wonder why in some people it shines so bright, why in some places you can still feel that energy in the air – that invigoration of life, expressing itself in the here and now, non tainted, not complicated, just the beingness of love, joy, expression and openness.  That connectivity to pure energy, that oneness.

It has always fascinated me the energy difference that exists within people. Why are some so nice and accommodating and fun, and some so egotistical, rude and dominating. Maybe Its my self perception of how I see them, or maybe they really are that way, don’t know. I know everyone has many sides to them but the overall energy composition/personality is what I am talking about here. Yes, things play into that composition/personality vibration, yet I have known and know people with terrible pasts who are genuinely wonderful people and I have known people with generally easy lives who are not so nice people and vice versa. I often wonder if it is more a choice of how a person chooses to BE… rather then what they have encountered in their life. It fascinates me so. I ponder.

August 2013

I was just thinking (which is sometimes not a good idea lol ) but how much of ones life is dominated by fear any ole way? And really what is the worst that could happen?  Do we over analyze the “what could be’s” and not embrace our full potential? Is fear a cover up to not rising to our full potential or is it real? Should we fear and if so what are we fearing? They say face your fears and conquer… them and you will overcome them but what if they were just totally dismissed from view, the realization of what could be, but then realizing “So what?” it could be, But I’m not going to think about that because it is senseless anyway. I’m going to live my life fully and openly. I really think there is so much we could fear, but why do it? Doesn’t it just limit life or does it help us make choices? Hmmm. Maybe fear has a purpose and maybe sometimes it limits us. Could even depend upon the amount of fear, and if we let it guide our choices or overwhelm us altogether and limit us…. ayyyy!?
It was always so, so simple. It was always that simple. Life doesn’t need to complicate, it just is. Moments don’t need to explain…they just happen. Life flows to its own dance, rhythmically, uncomplicated, its some people who make life so complex and summon life to be what its not. Life expresses itself – why do so many seek a need to explain that away? To pressurize it? To demand people and things be a certain way? It just is and it happens everyday!
 I like to see the essence of a person. I mean, People who shine from within. I like people who use their brains, who are knowledgeable and love to learn. Who are open minded, jolly people to be around. People who have common sense and express themselves and their diversity. People who know how to have fun and still act respectfully to others. People who are loving and have sense of value about themselves, not arrogance, but respect. That is impressive to me.
October 2013
What has shaken me to my core has made me stronger in my life. I think I have went through stages of intense growth along the road of life, very intense ones! Its like grow, take a break, grow, take a break, well in these last two years I have experienced one of those growing spurts, and I did not break! Almost, at times, but I held it together, and am still holding it together. Thankful to those who offer support to me everyday of my existence. It’s a funny thing, this life. We grow, we change and yet we remain who we were when we came into it. Many of us still childlike, searching for the meaning, for the reasons, for the illumination of it. Yet, its an individual choice. There is no secret to it all, there is no “sense” really. No program to follow. There really are only the choices we make and who we choose to be and how we choose to live. We can embrace our true selves or we can run from it all. Some people spend their entire lifetime running and never find what they search for. Its within, not without. Its in knowing who you are acting and living in a way that honors the connection to our own divinity.  My strength is my light. My essence is my power. My connection to my own sense of divinity connects my spirit to my worth and my immortal energy. We are all immortal. Change is constant we can run from it or embrace it. We can hide in the shadows or we can allow life to flow through us. Often, I think because I am nice and humble some people mistake me as not having strength or power. That is a mistake. One of my Tarot birthcards is strength, and as such, I can be as fiery as I want to be…when I need to be. I have learned this the last few years and I learned of my strength before, when I had to use it to rescue myself. And I did. And now, it is apart of me, it was there with me at my beginning and it will be there with me at my end. I am in between now. I am living, breathing, experiencing, changing, growing and evolving. And now I am going to encompass all that I can possibly be, all that I am, and bask in the true essence of who I am. This next phase of my life will require strength like I have never known, and trust in myself that I can live the dream I have carved out for myself and help others do the same. It is going to take me to places I have never been and levels of experience I have only dreamed of. I have the fire in my belly for it, I have the alignment with my spirit and I have to wings to fly. I am ready for flight! Like a phoenix I will roar.
I have concluded after everything I have learned this year, that when we respect self and stand in our true power, we don’t have to do it out of a place of ego or force. Simply being one with the inner source of who we are, is all the power we really need. That power vibrates from a place of love and joy not ego. The ego shows itself when we try to compensate from the disconnection with our source…. That is, we seek to control, to manipulate, to overcompensate, due to feeling out of balance with self. Therein, if people don’t like us for who we are, then they just don’t. If we have to change self to please others we are in effect dishonoring self. That type of energy is not anchored in truth but instead falsity. It is changing to appease. When others attack us or seek to shame us in some way, they really haven’t taken a good look at themselves in doing so. No one is perfect and no one is always right. Each self is an individualistic expressionism of energy, personality, wisdom and grace. Uniqueness builds diversity and acceptance embraces love. I have never claimed to be a saint nor a sinner, I think I exist between, which is where a lot of people might. And now without further adieu, I shall forge forward with my own creativity, talents, and power. Finding my own path by which I can use my creativity to help others, stand in my own convictions and embrace the essence of my energy within. While creating, enjoying myself and allow myself the freedom of total bliss and unified wholeness.
November 2013
I just came to a rather intriguing thought. I have never “fit” the mold of modern day society and as such have always feel slightly misplaced or out of sync with normalcy. Almost a peaceful “revolt” type of energy. In effect, I just came to the definitive conclusion I don’t think I came into this life t…o fit a mold. I think I came into it to break it! LOL. Or to set a new precedence for the capacity of a humanistic, expressive, creative and enjoyable life. That is why often I look at things and shake my head in dismay. I see things almost completely opposite than they are suppose to be. As such, when I was younger I lived in my own imaginary, playful world that was my own, and often my friends joined me there. When I grew up I did what I was “suppose” to do and I did it well. I made honor level grades, I held good jobs and was always in good standing on most all accords. Now I find I’m so tired of giving to a system that often does not give back in any sort of balanced manner. And I’m tired of giving to people who do not balance the energy in return. In a way I think I just discovered more of who I really am and what I want to do. Why fear “different” ? I fear “conformity” and “normal” where is the feeling of uninhibited momentary bliss in such a thing as that? I have learned this year to not give away my power, to not see things as they are and wonder why but instead to see things the way I want them to be and know I deserve the goodness that flows to me. To open myself to a type of unrestricted living that is fulfilling, whole, loving and perhaps a little Bold and daring. Yes, it is time for me to see myself in a different light and know I have a right to be as I am and to shine as bright as I want. I feel my life path is meant to be one of non conventionality and an embracing of uniqueness. A true Living of sorts, that is both rare and sometimes unfiltered. It takes strength to live such a life, for not only is one often seen as odd but one is judged too. Therein, I think I have come to terms with my non – conformist, rebellious nature and can see what my purpose is in its grace, dignity and divinity.
 I  see no point in living an inhibited life. One day I’m going to be on my deathbed ( we all eventually physically die) and I’m going to think back and wonder…did I take that chance, did I say what I wanted to say, did I embrace my full potential, did I give, did I receive, did I express myself fully, did I speak kind words, did I stand my ground when I needed to, did I live in that particular moment, did I allow myself to be who I am, did I love. To consciously consider these things each day takes effort in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. But it is something I aspire to do. I am fully embracing my life in ways I may not have before. I guess you could say bringing the inner child more to the surface. The control aspects and routines of day to day life often cause such an interference with our true being that we sometimes forget to stay in sync with who we really are, and allowing ourselves to be the full embodiment of our true selves…now that is a living work of art.
Finding I have a lot more I want to say than I actually say. I wonder How people would actually respond if I said everything I REALLY want to say. I mean, would their reaction be good or bad? I guess it would depend on what I actually said. lol Yet I think soooo many things and only say a fraction, a 1/3, a bit,  of what I am actually feeling and thinking. So if I said it…would I get a rude response for being so blunt or an accepting honest response back…I don’t know.
January 2014
LOL I have always edited myself to quite degree. And yet, so many things I think turn out to be true. And then again sometimes I am fully open and it is very much appreciated and reciprocated back. A deep consideration of thought …to say or not to say….that is the question.
LOL! I think I lived my life reversed. I’ve seen and done most things people don’t experience until they hit about 50. In one regard it has educated me quite well, in another regard I feel like I could easily become content staying home away from a lot of the outside world and certain people. I don’t feel deprived of a life, I feel its been very full. I got to experience much diversity, and many t…hings…some of them came with a price to pay and some were apart of the dance of life. I’ve traveled on my own and lived all over the country. I’ve held various jobs and experienced different romances. But I have this strange feeling inside me now sometimes, that its like whatever happens…well happens. It’s not that I’m not committed to things and its not that I don’t care. Quite the opposite actually. It is simply that in my wee life of going on 29 years, I think its been like a carnival. Each ride or spectacle different and each marvelous and interesting in its own right. But I have lived a compacted, intense and diverse existence. Not exactly by choice at times, and sometimes quite so by choice. In a sense I am strangely complete and in a sense I desire much more. It leaves me with a intense fire in my spirit to push myself to my highest potential and yet a completeness with the life I have already lived and a need not to rush, to get to my next destination. Life is a mystery wrapped in a riddle, we all experience and we all grow and change. Its not a stationary thing and its not predictable either. Its like a roller skating rink that never sleeps. A disco ball that is always spinning and a satisfying yet sometimes unfulfilling meandering. As a yoga teacher of mine once said ” Whatever comes let it come and whatever goes…let it go” I always loved being reminded of that. And I still think of it often and use it to clear the clutter from my mind. I always wonder if people were not so busy being “busy” what life truly could reflect but then again, for some of us we do take the time to experience life in an open ended way…the way it maybe was intended to be lived. We take the time to embrace an invitation, or an opportunity, or open ourselves to possibility and from there a new life beings. Possibly full of magic. We cant live fully with our energy valve closed off…it doesn’t work well that way and if we do, we shut out so much. There is intrinsic possibilities in living life fully, it is up to us to find them and experience them.
I LOVE people who talk and EXPRESS themselves. What is with all the “none” talking and expressing some people do? Life doesn’t waite for us to maybe talk and express later…life is now…in this very moment. It does not waite on us to be our true selves later, it does not just sit still. Its always boggled my mind how some people just have nothing to say and not much to express, I mean I “get” it… and that some people are more slower to come out of their “shells” due to many factors that may have played into their life experiences. But that doesn’t mean I understand why so much is held back and that that energy sits stagnated. Everyone has their own choice in the matter and I respect that, I do. But for me, why not express NOW and take a chance of being your real self NOW. It  sometimes makes me weary of expressing myself fully cause I get the weirdest looks and shocked expressions. But whatever. One never knows what might could happen from one day to the next. So would this moment not be just as important in living an authentic life as next Wednesday? Hmmmm. I just ponder stuff I guess…

2 responses to “Meanderings

  1. PIPORA

    Yes! It is time to let it go…break the chains that prevent you from living and laughing…for when you do, you will ”graduate” from this thing called the earth school…we have ultimate everything nowadays…we should call this planet the Ultimate Emotions School of lessons, love, life, and laughter..:-)

  2. grosenberg

    If its not euphoria, then to quote the late great Lord Buckley, its a definitely groovy bump on the way up that hill 🙂

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